Tuesday, February 17, 2009

WHEN LOVE HURTS-VALENTINE’s DAY: You Don’t Hit a Woman or Molest a Child

Dr. Ada M. Fisher

One of the dirty little secrets smoldering in minority communities has been the abuse of their women by their men. The allegations against “cutie pie” Chris Brown noting his possible assault on singer Rhianna is sickening. If true they ought to lock him up and throw away the key.

It is time for the black community to own up to the abusive nature of many of our relationships and kick the bums out. Any man who would hit a woman is sorry. No excuses! No explanation accepted! Just plain pure sorry. Throw the bums out and quit supporting their “alleged artistry” in boycotting their media presentations. My father told my brothers and I told my sons, “Don’t ever hit a woman for I will help put you in jail.”

Side by side with this goes with the child abuse, where we all turn our heads saying we can’t control it. Underage girls as young as 13 and 14 are having babies out of wedlock without so much as a whimper of indignation from parents, preachers, brothers and others who ought to be outraged. Sex with underage girls is statutory rape.

If a few of the statutes on the books were enforced, some of this female directed violence might change. You aren’t legally grown until you are 18 for voting, entering contracts or military service. As such, underage females can’t legally sexually consent and males should act accordingly.

Too often young girls who are sexually active think they’re grown; but they end up taking the total blame/responsibility for resulting children while the fathers go off to repeat the same behavior with someone different. The disgraceful charades can be witnessed on Maury Povich, in Judge Hatcher’s television court or your local county courtrooms trying to get men to fess up to the seeds they’ve spread.

Society ought to be willing to pay social services to do DNA paternity testing on anyone requesting government child support. Paternity must be established before pay outs are received. If you are going to play, you should be made to pay. If folks were imprisoned or put in a leg monitor to impose work requirements with first job preference for picking crops in the field, jobs sweeping the streets, hauling garbage, etc. we might change some behaviors. If men won’t work to support their children, being in jail at least they can’t make more babies. Such information must be shared across state lines to get dead beat dads off the lame.

Family values aren’t just a Republican thing, but need to become all of our thing. We need to stand with righteous indignation against the videos, music and television shows exploiting women and using them strictly as sex objects. Listening daily to early morning programs, one is impressed by how much women’s fashion, looks and chit chat dominate reinforcing this view of the value of women in terms of how appealing we make ourselves. Boycott such garbage. We are coarsening our culture and losing those conservative family values which should be the bedrock of our society.

Though some might not like President Obama for many reasons, I like the fact that he has a black wife who is his equal and whose beauty is not typical of what we have long held for that standard. I hope one role she takes on as First Lady is to stand against the exploitation and abuse of females of every age. I hope that men who love women will join in this effort.

This weakened economy highlights for the first time; more women are now employed than men across all ethnic groups. I support equal pay for equal work. More must be done to ensure that women and girls have equal protection under the law from predators of every stripe.

Dr. Ada M. Fisher is a physician, licensed secondary education teacher, and NC Republican national Committee Woman. Contact her at P. O. Box 777 ; Salisbury , NC 28145 ;



rmrd said...

We disagree on politics, but agree on this matter. Chris Brown had no excuse for abusing a woman. What has surprised me is that some women who have male children have told me that Brown was upset because he had been infected with venereal herpes by the lady in question. "what do you expect a 19 year old boy to do once he finds out that he has herpes?"

The venereal herpes story is an online rumor possibly put out by Chris Brown fans (or members of his camp). Even if true (doubtful), it does not rationalize physical abuse.

Chris Brown is operating in the post-Obama era, it is time to man up. In the pre-Obama era R Kelly is free after allegations of abusing an underage female. Michael Vick is doing jail time for crimes committed against dogs. Vick had supporters. The dogs had supporters. The female in the R Kelly case had no apparent support base. A change is going to come. Black women are to be valued.

Denney Crane said...

Great post! There is no substitute for family values...none!

Bianca said...

I love the post...So true, couldn't have said it better myself.

Wanda said...

Chris Brown needs to be dealt with, should he be proven to be guilty of beating Rihanna. However, we need to say that violence must be rejected no matter what the gender of the perpetrator is.

Too many of us embrace being confrontational or violent with males. I've had friends who've actually spouted this "you can hit a man 'cause he can't hit back" nonsense. For those of us with sons, we do teach them not to hit ANYBODY. However, that same message must be drummed into our young women as well (and its is not...).

Also, what about young children who grow up with violent, abusive single mothers? The news has been filled with these stories of mothers beating and killing their children. If a young boy grows up with a violent single mom, and we refuse to address how we encourage many of our young Black women to be confrontational, what happens when she passes a violent attitude to her son?

Let's be balanced here if we are truly trying to address violence in our communities.

Wanda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wanda said...

This is what I am talking about:



New Cassel mom pleads insanity in 3 kids' deaths

Leatrice Brewer will be sent to secure psychiatric facility

7:35 PM EST, February 9, 2009

Leatrice Brewer nodded almost imperceptibly when the judge asked her whether she killed her 18-month-old son.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Take a deep breath and keep going," Nassau County Judge Meryl Berkowitz said, before asking Brewer about the other two children she drowned last February in her bathtub: her daughter, 6, and son, 5. She answered "yes" to questions about them, too.

Brewer Monday pleaded not responsible by reason of mental disease or defect, and will now be sent to a secure upstate psychiatric facility indefinitely, prosecutors said. Brewer, prosecutors and Berkowitz all agreed to the plea after two independent psychiatric evaluations showed that at the time she killed the three children, she didn't know that what she was doing was wrong.

"My granddaughter loved her children," said Brewer's grandmother Maebell Mickens outside the Mineola courtroom. "I feel she's getting ready to get the help she needs."

The deaths of Jewell Ward, 6, Michael Demesyeux, 5, and Innocent Demesyeux, 18 months, drew attention to Nassau's social services agency after investigators learned that caseworkers had gone to Brewer's apartment two days earlier but left when no one was home. They did not schedule a follow-up visit until after the children were dead.

Innocent Demesyeux, the father of the two youngest children, said before the court proceeding that he was disappointed that prosecutors accepted Brewer's insanity plea.

Wanda said...

And this is what I'm talking about:

Police: Mom Sat On, Killed Son
Woman Tells Detectives She Believes She Sat On Her Son

POSTED: 9:45 pm CST February 8, 2009
UPDATED: 6:38 pm CST February 9, 2009

KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- A Kansas City woman was charged with second-degree murder in the death of her 7-year-old son, who appears to have died of suffocation.

Police spokesman Darin Snapp said Esmond Ross died Saturday at his home. Snapp said the boy showed no signs of life when officers were called to the home.

The child's mother, 28-year-old Lakeesha Brown, told detectives she believes she suffocated her son by putting her legs across his head and sitting on his chest.

Police said Brown had no explanation for why she sat on her son.

A body exam revealed that Esmond's right arm was broken in three places, and he showed signs of being suffocated.

Edwin I. Ross, the boy's father, said his 10-year-old daughter called him from Brown's house, distraught. He rushed to the house in the 3700 block of Prospect Avenue. He said Brown was sitting on the boy when he arrived, and he said it was clear the boy had been dead for hours.

The boy's father said he had been trying to gain custody of his children but that he could not afford an attorney.